


Agar.io

by orphan_account



Series: Works of a Drunkard [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Buttery Pancakes, DanAndPhilGAMES, Gaming Channel, Implied Smut, M/M, Phil wants to consume Dan, agar.io, unestablished relationship, video filming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:13:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A peaceful gaming video quickly becomes a 'Dan Vs Phil' when a match in Agar.io gets personal. In response, Dan vows to 'destroy Phil's buttery pancake', which is of course Phil's screen name. Obviously.





	Agar.io

**Author's Note:**

> Drank probably a bit too much wine followed up by a fucking fantastic and generous glass of limoncelli - I wasn't drinking alone this time I swear, my father was throwing a little bit of a garden/dinner party and guess what I like free alcohol.  
> Anyway, I sat down to play some Agar.io as you do and thought of this bullshit enjoy
> 
> I put some music on as usual so if you wanna know why the boys are annoying each other shitless, it's because the piece I was listening to was very playful... the intense music bits are the bits where Dan and Phil are chasing each other in agar.io!  
> https://youtu.be/wTDx-JKK19E?t=11m57s

“Phil stop it! We’re supposed to work as a team you know!” Dan squealed in his usual high pitched voice as his blob was absorbed by Phil’s much larger one.

“Sorry!” Phil sweetly replied, “I didn’t know how to transfer my mass to you to make us equally big.” Dan turned to give Phil a very disturbed look before dragging his eyes to face the camera, calming himself down from his frustration.

“Oh the wonders of agar.io, don’t play on free for all with your best friend unless you’re prepared to be backstabbed in cold blood!” Dan advised in his usually playful voice.

The two friends had been playing FFA on the gaming and decided to bring their laptops to the study to play some agar.io, an endlessly requested game. It had gotten significantly harder to make it onto the leader board since last time they played. Perhaps Dan hadn’t made it easy given he chose the player name ‘Margaret Thatcher’. Phil had gone with a much politically safer choice, opting for ‘Buttery Pancake’.

Dan respawned as an icon of the iron lady popped onto the screen.

“Now Phil, we’re actually going to work together, yeah?” Dan asked, wondering whether Phil would dare hide his evil intentions behind a smile.

“Yes of course Dan, I’m always on your side!” Phil responded enthusiastically, scarily not letting a hint of sarcasm into his voice.

“You hear that guys? I think not! I’m gonna destroy your buttery pancake,” Dan said enigmatically, searching the map for his friend’s blob. Dan spent a fair amount of time simply saying nothing to the camera, supplying no sarcastic comments while completely engaged in searching for Phil, gathering plenty of dots on the way to get Margaret fatter and fatter.

“Phil, I’m going to eat you, you can run but you can’t hide from Margaret,” Dan threatened, no longer caring about the camera filming his every word. This shit was personal.

“Come at me bro!” Phil said in a way that didn’t quite suit his cheery persona or his sweet voice. Dan couldn’t seem to recall a time when Phil had really said anything threatening or vaguely scary to him. Dan laughed loudly as a gang of red blobs called ‘egg’ approached him.

Dan hid inside a green virus while the red blob encircled him.

“Fuck, shit, fuck my life this is fucking ridiculous,” Dan said loudly as he saw that ‘egg’ wasn’t going away any time soon.

“Dan, stop swearing or we’ll have to cut it all out!” Phil cautioned. Dan reached over to turn the camera off in response.

“There, happy?” Dan asked.

“No! We now have no film, turn it back on Dan!” Phil ordered with a bit of bite in his voice.

“Nah, this got personal Phil, we need to actually play this game out until I get my revenge.”

The two continued playing as Phil turned his screen away from Dan so that he couldn’t cheat. Dan had managed to lure the red blob into the virus, at which point it exploded, shattering into several pieces and scattering its remains over the immediate area.

Dan laughed as he moved from inside the virus to gather the pieces for himself.

“Oh my God, Phil you’re so dead once I’m big enough to-” Dan cut himself off as he saw ‘Buttery Pancakes’ zip past the virus. “Oh my god,” Dan said in disbelieve as Phil’s blob caught all of the enemy ones faster than Dan could move from the virus to collect them himself.

Phil had grown so huge from eating all of it, and it genuinely began to scare Dan.

“Phil what did you do! You stole those! This isn’t happening, I’m getting you back for being a thieving bitch,” Dan exclaimed as Phil turned to his friend and poked his tongue out.

“See, I’m good at this game!” Phil said excitedly as he smiled broadly. Dan had to keep himself under control to not smile back at his friend; it was very cute.

“You’re so terrible and you’ve backstabbed me twice now so I’m going to have to eat you,” Dan replied in a sinister voice. Suddenly Phil was glad they’d turned off the camera. Dan had gotten invested and who knew what’d happen.

Phil panicked and split into four smaller blobs to make his escape.

“See! My buttery pancakes are too speedy and slippery for you to catch, and I’m making my escape after fooling Dan Howell yet again!” Phil exclaimed as he retreated away from the battle field. He needed to find a place to recover.

“You may be delicious and buttery Philip but I am your worst nightmare: a conservative British Prime Minister,” Dan replied as he gathered some size while pursuing his friend’s buttery pancake.

“Hey! That’s not fair! I’m not scared of conservatives, I’m just scared of the reasons people have for supporting them!”

“Well guess who’s voting for Jeremy Corbyn folks,” Dan smiled at the camera.

“Dan, you turned the camera off so enough with taking cheap shots at me, I want some focused competition given that I’m bigger than you are,” Phil said in a low voice, deadly serious.

“Alright fine mate, you want some competition?” Dan asked as his blob had achieved a sizeable form and split to eat two smaller enemies, “meet me on the top right corner and come at me.”

Dan spent the next few minutes combining his blobs to face Phil, who had finally stopped running and was on his way to finally battle his enemy.

Dan’s medium sized blob appeared near a corner of the map, the designated meeting place.

A slightly bigger blob came onto the screen, but not so big that Dan couldn’t beat it if he collected a bit more food.

“I’m going to destroy your buttery pancake Phil, no amount of slippery butter can help you to avoid my clutches,” Dan taunted as the blob he knew to be Phil’s came into his view.

But it wasn’t ‘Buttery Pancakes’. It was a blob named ‘Real Phil Lester’, and several other blobs, ones much larger than both he and Dan, came into view as well.

“Phil what the fuck who are all of these people,” Dan asked, surprised at his friend’s ingenuity but also extremely pissed off.

“They’re fans, I tweeted out ‘Team with ‘Real Phil Lester’ in Agar.io free for all if you want to be featured in our next gaming video!’” Phil explained as Dan fumed behind his keyboard.

“Phil this is so unfair and I feel oppressed,” Dan said, putting as much fake emotion into it as possible. Secretly he wanted to see how cocky his friend would really get.

Phil and his allies converged on Dan’s smaller blob until he backed into a corner.

“Phil please just let’s battle one on one!” Dan pleaded in his high pitched squealing voice as his options began to run out. Fleeing was no longer possible.

“Never! I never get to win anything against you so now I’m gonna win using the weapon of diplomacy!” Phil explained, feeling very smart about himself.

Dan’s blood boiled as he faced the real possibility of losing to Phil, even if it was technically an unfair match.

“Dan I’m going to bring your blob inside me,” Phil taunted as the blobs cornered his friend. Dan smiled cheekily as he thought of an idea.

“Oh, are you? Because I think maybe I’d like being inside you,” Dan said in a drawn out and very promiscuous way.

Phil froze. He instantly hit his escape button, stopping the onslaught as the other blobs noticed that Phil had paused his game and had stopped moving forward towards Dan. He turned to face his friend. Phil’s face went bright red, “what?”

“You heard me, I think I’d like watching my blob be consumed by you and be ‘eaten’ by you, and being pulled into you,” Dan reiterated, slouching back into his chair and grinning devilsishly.

Phil said nothing as he let the thought sink in.

“You heard me,” Dan repeated.

Phil changed tact, forcing the redness from his face to dissipate which caused Dan’s smile to lapse.

“Alright fine, I’ll eat you then, you shouldn’t have a problem with it because you want it so badly, right?” Phil questioned deviously.

“No of course not… I’ve been wanting it for…” Dan paused to hum in suspense, “so long.”

Phil grinned to himself as he felt the weight of the battle shift to him when Dan began to show a bit of a blush himself.

“Okay, let’s go back into the game and I’ll eat you, if you want me to give it to you so bad,” Phil whispered through his teeth. The depth of his voice had actually been very unexpected to Dan, who was still shocked that his idea to escalate the battle hadn’t particularly worked. In fact it had majorly backfired.

Backfired in terms of the fact that Dan was now playing agar.io while also hiding a raging erection in his trousers.

Phil unpaused his game to continue the onslaught as Dan gasped in terror – another blob seemed to have already eaten both Dan and Phil and all of Phil’s allies.

“Well, you got nothing on me now Commander Lester!” Dan taunted, referencing the fact that Phil had managed to lose his entire army.

“God dammit Dan!” Phil growled angrily as he threw down his mouse and gave up on the game.

“Well, good thing we didn’t end up filming that because it would have been very anticlimactic if we couldn’t even decide at the end who gets to have the next ‘Dan vs Phil’ sticker,” Dan reasoned.

“Yeah, but… I would have liked to beat you just this once,” Phil said, a twinge of longing in his voice.

“Oh Phil, who says you can’t just eat me now?” Dan asked, smiling as he accepted that there was no way in hell his arousal was going away any time soon.

“Only if you promise not to lure me into a virus, Danny,” Phil said, holding his head up to meet Dan’s eyes and smile deviously. He wasn’t quite sure where the joke and metaphor of Agar had eneded and where the real conversation had begun.

“Oh my God Phil, I don’t have fucking HIV or some shit like that!”

“Well then what are you waiting for?”

The boys grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> Probably anther tipsy fic next week - not planning on writing as drunk as I did for the last one ever again where I was truly on another planet BUT I am planning on getting some more King's Court out tomorrow if anyone is waiting for that... Yes I realise I'm writing small oneshots to avoid long committed fics I've already started, but it's a bit of pressure to deal with historical characters and decide how I want the story to take shape... anyway thanks for reading and hopefully I'll see you next week!


End file.
